Letting go of people and things that are second-nature in your every day life or that once carried
significant meaning to you is difficult. While I let go of a lot of a lot this year—an old boyfriend who got engaged early this year, the home I grew up in, and a lot of my “stuff that had accumulated over the years—one thing stands out the most in having contributed to my subsequent growth and maturity more than anything else.
Drama. I sort of hate that word though because people are always saying, “I’m drama-free” or “I don’t need any drama in my life” and they’re usually the ones surround by drama and just don’t realize it. That and well… heck my life is crazy. A lot of friends think I should write a book about my life (one of them actually has proposed writing a long-form article on my life). Change is actually a constant in my life. It’s one of the only things I can count on, so I’m generally acceptant of a little “drama” in my life or that of my friends’ lives.
Instead, what I’ve let go of this year is the unnecessary, fake, sad, often alcohol-induced girl drama. You probably know what I’m talking about. It’s when you and “the girls” go out to the same clubs every weekend “just to have fun” but usually end up crying in a cab on the way home because you called your best friend a “stupid bitch” just because she looked at you at the wrong moment and you were all just so drunk you couldn’t control what was coming out of your mouth. Or when you purposely sabotage your evening after you decide to “surprise” (just for the hell of it because you’re bored) the guy you went out on a date with a few nights before at the bar you saw him check-in to on Foursquare a few moments ago, only to turn into a jealous crazy person when they really didn’t want to see you that night (or at all… ever again).
Yea, those were two supremely long run-on sentences. I did it on purpose.
Early this year I started realizing that this group of “friends” I was spending a lot of time partying with on the weekends wasn’t actually doing me any good. Most of them were just party friends that I happened to have known for a few years. The type that you could always count on to meet you out on the dance floor with a drink in hand every weekend, but had little to talk about once the music stopped.
I thought letting go of them would be hard. That I’d be lonely. That I wouldn’t have a social life anymore because I didn’t have anyone to go out with. I thought they would yell at me to come out with them. None of that really happened. They actually didn’t care at all that I disappeared (hint?). My social life did suffer for a few months and I was a little lonely at first, but it gave me the opportunity to focus on my real goals in life and to make new genuine friends. I find myself able to be more genuine with myself and with others. I don’t need to drink that Kool-aide anymore. I go home after an evening out with my friends now with a smile (sometimes a tired smile…) on my face and always thankful to have them in my life.
So sure, I still find drama in life but now it’s the AWESOME kind—like celebrating new jobs, discovering new talents and interests, getting written up in the newspaper, and going on spontaneous road trips to meet friends!
Letting go is good.
In participation with #reverb10.